You get a lot of stupid questions when you are a parent.
Some of them even come from grown ups.



I am not referring to those questions that are asked out of sincere attempt to be informed.
I am referring to those questions that are asked in the pinched nosed clipped voice of sarcastic sound bite.

Such as, "My goodness, are they ALL yours!?"

I have three children.  3.
If you can safely get your dozen eggs home without breaking any, three is absolutely manageable.

Now I have been asked how I find life with three kids.  Intelligent, thoughtful questions where I can immediately sense the asker is in fact concerned that I may never get a full night sleep, or hot meal, or pee alone.

But then, the other type.
It's pretty easy to discern between the two askers:  the former may have their head at a slightly tilted angle, a look of wonder on their face -- but their eyes will meet your gaze.  They will hear your response, laugh or sigh appropriately, and reply back in turn.

The later will have their head firmly placed up their ass, thus not even hearing your response.  They have launched their query in all it's glibness and an answer is not really required.



One of the most irritating questions I get, occurs when certain people learn that I am a stay at home mom.

"OMG! How can you stand it - aren't you bored?!"

Head, meet ass.

To really understand my annoyance, you have to hear the tone and inflection when this questions is directed at me.  It's not the honest question of a person who is actually considering this lifestyle as a viable option, and wishes to be accurately informed.

It's the judgie ask with a hint of disdain on the side.
Like somehow only the lowest common denominator of intelligence would ever consider staying in a house all day ... with their own children!!

Well, in the interest of being fair and assuming that you are not in fact an ignorant asshat; let's take a look at how boring my life was today.


7:30 am  (on a good blessed day):  Rise and Shine!!!
soft gentle awakening to favourite music and a slow leisurely stretch?

No!!  ZooZoo's face suddenly inches from my own and hollering "make my breakfast!"
Or the sounds of the older two fighting over who gets the TV.

8 am Monday to Friday and sometimes that Saturday morning you forget it's Saturday:
make 3 lunches, get 3 breakfasts, make sure 3 children are dressed and 3 backpacks packed.

How much packing can a tired mom with a sore back pack?

Yeah, there's not time to say that 3 times fast!!  GO GO GO!!

8:40 am walk to bus.   add extra time as applicable for extra clothing because you live in a place where the air hurts your face.

9 am - They're Gone!!! 

Oh, but the evidence of their existence lingers!
Clean kitchen/dishes, sweep floor, gather discarded clothing, forgotten homework, etc. and return to the $%^$# places they are supposed to be.  Repeat daily.

9:30 am Maybe you should have a coffee now.  Take a deep breath.

No!  You have to shower and get ready for your volunteer shift at the Community Centre at 10 am!!

Get in shower, realize you forgot to buy your own shampoo - again - lather up with kids Frozen 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner.   Sing Let It Go while holding Olaf bath toy as microphone.
I'm totally a grown up.

Get out, walk to kitchen in towel and wet hair to make a cup of coffee.  Wave to neighbour in their driveway through big kitchen window.


Apply 5 minute face make up, dry hair, get dressed because I look nothing like Marilyn Monroe EVER; while guzzling coffee.

Leave.
Whoops!  Breakfast.  #$#@!*

10:15 am arrive at Community Center to help prepare and feed lunch to visitors.   Clean up kitchen.  Prepare food for afternoon tea time.   Help do crafts or school work or entertain kids in play area.

Soooo...... basically the same thing I do at home every day; also for free.

Feel Doubly Blessed.
That part is actually quite important. 

2:15  pm  Volunteer time is complete; but have meeting with Co Spark leader at local coffee shop to plan next meeting.

Drink all the coffee.
Also, butter tarts.

**Note:  If there is no meeting scheduled with friend or otherwise, this would be a good time to get your butt home and do a workout.  Because, butter tarts will happen at some point. **

3:30 pm  Arrive home and go get kids from bus.

4 pm  Kids and mom both get 30 minute break.   Kids will ask 294 questions in 15 minutes.

4:30 pm  Time to prepare dinner while also having daily homework argument.  Fun times!

5 pm ish - dinner.

5:40  I said do your homework!!!    Clean kitchen while assisting those actually doing their homework.

Free time for anyone else not pulling their hair out over "new math."

**Unless this is an activity night for someone, in which case, you're already running late so GO GO GO!!**

6:30pm Bath time for youngest.   Give reminders nightly.

get IN the water.
put the soap ON your body.
put the shampoo ALL over your hair.
Rinse WITH the water.  Everywhere!  
don't splash!
put the toys away. 

6:45 pm Tell youngest to get out of tub, only to discover NOTHING IS WASHED except aforementioned Olaf bath toy.   Floor is covered with water... and soap from overturned bottle.

 Wash and comb hair.  Ignore the screaming.

7 pm Next!!! 
Repeat above.

7:30 pm Snack, story, song, brush teeth

8 pm Good night.  First refrain.

Chorus:  I need to go pee.
               I need a drink of water.
              My *insert applicable body part* hurts and I can't sleep.
              I didn't get a song!

8:30 pm Good night, second refrain.

Chorus:    *tip toe sounds*   I can't sleep
                 Me: That's because you aren't in your bed.  Get in your bed.

Crescendo
6 year old solo:  every Disney song that she only knows half the words.
                           Incoherent mumbling to circle of stuffed animals.

8 year old solo:   ZooZoo is keeping me awake because she is singing.

 Fortissimo
 9 pm mommy arrives.   GET IN YOUR BEDS!!!!


 FINE
  9: 15 pm  *deep sigh* Finally!

9:20 pm  You have 3 children, remember?   Cause the lady asked you at the grocery store the other day "are these all your children" and you gave her the stink eye?

9:30 pm Bribe tween son with 10 more minutes of Xbox if he will PLEASE take a shower.  

Repeat washing instructions as above.

10 pm  Say good night to son because he still hugs and kisses you good night even though he is too old for a song and story and ignores you in front of his friends, but you'll happily take these offered scraps.... *sigh*

Sounds of sibling fighting in the hallway.  

Literally me:



Somewhere after 10 pm and all is relatively quiet:   Now would be a good time to get that workout in if you didn't have time today.

Reality:


Sometime after midnight:   Hello body, this is Insomnia... have you checked Tumblr today?


I should have done that Bedtime Yoga and I would no doubt be sleeping peacefully now.
A bored busy mom needs that rest because 7:30 am will come quickly....

... and you get to do it all again!!

Sorry if I bored you with all that.

Disclaimer:  It took approximately 2.6 years to write this post.   Because no mom has time for that stupid ass question shit. 
Some outtakes from our recent sledding adventure on our local hill.
Even after a couple of years of practice Photo Ninja In Training, I am often reminded:  I still have a lot to learn.

But sometimes, mistakes can be rather magical too.


I have no idea what happened from a technical aspect.  It seems like two shots merged together.    But I rather like the ghostly affect.   Like my kids are playing with ghost children of the past.   And the puffs of their breath in the cold air:  awesome.

Other times, you just plain wipeout.
And that is half the fun.




And she's up!
She's okay - right ZooZoo?




This is going to be the fastest post ever written.
Although, it almost was not.

You see I went to the store to get the supplies for our Sparks Valentines Party tonight, and imagine my surprise that the aisle was filled with colourful candies indeed.
But not of the hearts and cupid variety.

This.


Now don't get me wrong, that's GOOD candy, and imma eat that sh*t.
Just in another month or so.

Gosh, I am rushed enough Dear Consumerism!  

Right now, I needed this:


That is the Love Chex Mix I will be bringing to the party.
Because.. there is No Time to Bake people!!

All you need is the following mixed together in a big bowl, and big serving spoon to scoop it out.  Because hands are nasty people.  Don't do that.

Chex cereal mix
yogurt covered raisins  (the strawberry cherry is best if you can find)
Cocoa Teddy Grahams or Goldfish
one large bag of M&Ms  (Valentines, which as we know, MY store did not have)
Conversation hearts
White Chocolate covered pretzels (which I will be adding later because they can melt)

So. Easy.
So. Good.

Now, the reason I am so pressed for time today that this post will probably be coming to you later this Monday night.
The Conversation Heart BINGO Game.
Oh.My.Word.
It seemed so much fun!!!    But it was not fun to put together.

Here's what you will need:

the special BINGO cards


The special cinnamon heart markers


The BINGO call markers (conversation hearts)


How To Play:

From your big bucket of hearts write the phrases onto the Bingo cards.  Each time you print a candy phrase, write the corresponding letter on the back with a Sharpie pen.  Then place that candy in a new bucket -- this will be your "Draw" bucket.   You will need one heart per saying per letter.
Example:  If you use Only You under the B and under the G: you will need two Only You candies in your draw bucket:  one with a B on the back, and the other with a G.

Make more cards by switching the sayings around under each letter.
Make enough cards for each player.

 You will need to designate a caller to pick the conversation hearts out of the bag and call out the sayings with the letter. Each player gets a card and a handful of cinnamon hearts. As the caller calls out the spots on the card, a player covers the spot with a cinnamon heart.

When a player gets 5 in a row,(up, down or across), they yell BINGO. The first person to yell Bingo! wins a prize.

You know that no two cards can be the same, right?

Yeah, that's the not fun part of making 12 Bingo Cards.
Hopefully my Sparks and their parents will enjoy this game, because I will bust a blood vessel if someone doesn't play it --- after the 3 hours it took to make.

SOMEONE is playing this Bingo game with me if I have to wander the streets looking for willing players.

That's just how much love I got, y'all.

Time out for Mom




Tuesday, February 9th, 2016

Show me Love.  Now is your chance to get all lovey-dovey.  
Share a craft, share a poem, share a date night idea. 

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